


The Commute

by ninusch



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Also english is my second language, Alternate Universe, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, I have no idea how teenagers work these days, In a Car, Some of the other beloved characters will show up at the end, The Commute, The Commute AU, We'll be fine, carpooling is fun, its basically just Bellamy and Clarke talking, life is hard on 21st century teens, or high school on that matter, so sorry for that too, some side mention of Clarke/Finn and Clarke/Lexa, until feelings get involved
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2019-06-21 20:16:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15565599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninusch/pseuds/ninusch
Summary: Bellamy puckered his lips while thinking her plan over. Then he smirked. „This is going to be a disaster, princess.“She shrugged. At this point she gladly takes Bellamy Blake carpooling with her in a driving vehicle over sitting another day in the heat in vain.„How hard can it be?“________________Clarke has a car. Bellamy has a drivers license. Their bus is not coming. What could go wrong?





	1. Enemies!

**Author's Note:**

> I was inspired by the lovely web series „The Commute“ to write a Bellarke AU after a long pause from writing. Be gentle. 
> 
> Check out Season 1 and 2 of "The Commute" on Youtube here: https://tinyurl.com/ycb47jd9
> 
> The premise of the base material kind of dictates that they go to high school. Since I don’t know anymore how teenagers work these days or how high school functions in general I just make this stuff up as I go along. Sorry for that. Shrug it away if it does not make any sense at all.
> 
> It’s going to be three parts, most of which I have already written. Have fun!

* * *

 

**The Arrangement - 22.4 miles to destination**

 

As far as high school rivalries go, Clarke Griffin and Bellamy Blake were by no means the stuff of legends.

Clarke Griffin was the only child of one of the prestigious upper class families in their middle sized town in Northern California. She was a try-out for the cheerleading squad but non-member by choice. She was popular yet approachable artsy as such that the work she displayed at the annual student fair did not let the spectators feel alienated by crass symbols or style. She was a biology AP on her destined way to East Coast Ivy League Medical School and larger things.

Bellamy Blake was a brown kid from the figuratively wrong side of the tracks. He was sportive but never tried out for any school team. He was an occasional potthead and wore second hand clothes and a flip phone. He read books from the public library more than once and somehow acquired a bad boy reputation that was based more on hearsay and a dark complexion than on actual knowledge. 

Clarke was a sophomore, Bellamy a junior and by rule of law of high school knew _of_ each other more than actually _knew_ each other.

This changed with the only factual sound scandal assigned to Bellamy’s name: Bellamy Blake broke the jaw of a senior member of the lacrosse team in a fight and got suspended, resulting in his having to repeat most classes the next year.

If it was not for this fight Clarke Griffin and Bellamy Blake would not have taken the same public policy class the beginning of the new term. What started out as „healthy competition“ quickly turned into the first and only shouting match of the class which had such a profound impact on their teacher that after the incident he remodeled the class to a silent term project of which Clarke and Bellamy both were assigned different partners and seated at opposite ends of the room. 

Since no slaps were thrown, no intimate details revealed and no hate-sex ensued after the incident it was not long until the fight and with it the connection between both were forgotten again by the larger public. But of the parties involved secretly everyone was happy when class was over at the end of the term and they could move on to other things.

For the rest of the year when Clarke and Bellamy walked past each other in the school hallway they would share a short but hard look and walk on. They did not move in the same circles, did not go to the same school functions, classes or parties outside of school and had absolutely no reason to think about each other until the summer break started.

Clarke was wearing sunglasses and her the red life guard bathing suit underneath jeans shorts and shirt when she approached the bus stop and stopped short: On the bench, long legs stretched out and one arm thrown over his eyes, sat Bellamy Blake.

After hesitating a moment she took a deep breath and went on. When he heard her approaching, Bellamy looked up and upon recognizing her the same shocked stillness overcame him. She nodded and sat down on the bench with the empty seat between them. It was hot and flies were buzzing around their heads and the bus was late.

She sat waiting, her nostrils flared in some primal instinct of sniffing out danger before it came too close. She felt him sneaking glances at her more than she saw him turn his eyes side ways. She tried to make herself comfortable on the hard bench seat while Bellamy did not move. 

After what felt like an eternity but was actually twenty silent minutes of which the bus was late for a total eighteen, Bellamy groaned.

„Not again“, he muttered under his breath.

She swallowed. Clarke did not like the sound of that, so she cleared her throat and asked, „When is the bus usually coming?“

Bellamy looked at her as if trying to sense a trap before answering with a sigh, „Late. If coming at all …“

Clarke was confused. „But I have to go to work.“

Bellamy rolled his eyes but before could start to feel angry at him, he stood up and walked up and down the bus stop, going on his tip toes in an effort to see further down the lane.

„Then you better tell them to expect you late every day from now.“

Clarke started to massage the sides of her head where she felt a headache building. They did not talk for some time while Clarke muttered abuses at the bus service under her breath and Bellamy kicked stones against a nearby tree with increasing aggressive gusto.

Bellamy broke the silence eventually, „What are you doing here anyway?“

„What do you mean?“

„I see you at school. You have a car.“

Her blood turned to ice in her veins.

„Yeah. So?“ She was painfully aware of her lack of eloquence.

„So why are you not driving it?“

„I’m sure you know why.“

Bellamy looked at her, hand in his pockets and raised eyebrow, „Engine troubles?“

She glared at him. He had the uncanny ability to rile her up like no other person.

He sighed, „Yeah, I do know.“

„Then why would you ask me if you already knew?!“, she snapped.

He shrugged. „I heard of you getting an DUI. But people talk a lot of shit and I did not want to assume.“

Clarke crossed her arms over her chest. „How noble of you.“

„At least I try to be nice, princess.“

She hated that nickname.

„Where is your car then, smart ass?“

„You can do better than that“, he sounded more defeated than triumphantly. He had as little interest in fighting as she had. 

Everyone knew that he did not have a car nor that his family could afford to keep one. The same way her drunk and driving accident was now part of the towns’ lore his family’s poverty was equally public knowledge.

„Where are you going anyway?“ she asked.

„I took a summer job in the mall“ he turned to her.

She moved on her seat as well, „Are you not working at the book shop anymore?“

„Business is slow.“

„Shit.“

„Yeah.“

They were silent. Another couple of minutes had passed when Bellamy suddenly jumped up from his seat. „ _Come on!_ This literally happens every day! How are we supposed to go where we have to go if there is no system we can rely on?!“ 

She raised an eyebrow at him as he started a passionate rant against the evils of neglected public transport and the stories he had to witness with defecating people and screaming people and people doing drugs on the bus when suddenly the idea came to her. She sprang up and took his elbow to cut into his speech.

„Do you have a valid drivers license?“

„Yeah.“

„I have a car.“

He stared at her hand on his elbow, at her, her hand again. „Stating the obvious?“

„No, stupid! You should drive my car.“

„With you … in it?“

„Of course with me in it!“

„Are you asking me to be your personal chauffeur?“

„Good God, why are you making this so hard? It’s a carpool. Like … Co-Pilots. I provide the car. You drive us to work. We both have to take the same-ish route, you drop me at the pool and pick me up again after your shift.“

He narrowed his eyes at her and rolled hers at him. „Come on! It’s brilliant.“

„Who pays for gas?“

„I will.“

„All of if?“

„All of it.“

Bellamy swallowed and puckered his lips while thinking her plan over. Then he smirked. „This is going to be a disaster, princess.“

She shrugged. At this point she gladly takes Bellamy Blake carpooling with her in a driving vehicle over sitting another day in the heat in vain. 

„How hard can it be?“

She had no idea.

 

* * *

 

**The Car - 20.5 miles to destination**

 

„Why exactly are you calling your car ‚Wells‘?“

„It was a joke between me and an old friend. Heads up.“

She closed the front door behind her and threw the key but Bellamy made no attempt at catching it. It dropped down in front of his feet while he was still staring at her with crossed arms. „I’m not convinced.“

She sighed. They’ve been over this already on their way to her house. 

„You agreed.“

„Talk me through it again.“

„Seriously?“

„This is your car?“ He pointed at the silver Volkswagen Golf VII.

„Yes.“

„Are you sure?“

„What fresh hell is this, Bellamy?“

„If you actually crashed your car than this cannot be your car.“

„Who says I crashed _my_ car?“

„Whose car was it then?“

„You need to unlock at least friendship level three to enter my tragic backstory. So pick up the key and unlock Wells, please?“

Bellamy picked up the key and with a deadpan look hit the button. Clarke smiled at him brightly and he got into the drivers seat where a fluffy bright blue wheel warmer awaited him.

„I really hope this came superglued onto the car.“

„It was a gift.“

„And you kept it?“

„I happen to like it.“

„But why?“

„Look, I don’t mean to get rude or something but if we could get going that’d be great.“

Bellamy started setting up the mirrors and seat height. He double checked everything. In fact he even tripled checked it.

„You are like an 80 year old woman.“

„Don’t bite the hand that feeds you. Seat belt.“

Clarke sighed. Why did she do this to herself?

After she closed the seat belt, Bellamy finally started the car and backed out of her driveway with tense arms and slightly heavy breathing.

„You okay?“

„Why?“

„You seem … tense.“

„I’m fine“, he answered indignantly.

„You do realize no one drives in a ten and two position anymore?“

„Maybe that’s the reason you crashed a car?“

„Alright then.“

They approached the cross section toward the freeway but he was not sorting into the lane.

„Left“, Clarke supplemented, trying to be helpful in their new co-piloting partnership. He ignored her and drove past.

„What are you doing? That takes us to the freeway?“

„I know. I don’t do freeways.“

„What is that supposed to mean?“

„It means I don’t do freeways.“

„But … how? Why, Bellamy?“

„There are obnoxious, polluting, dangerous and also they don’t make me feel good about myself.“

Clarke gaped at him. „Take the freeway.“

„I will _not_ take the freeway.“

„Take the next left!“

„No!“

„Take the next left, Bellamy!“ and she pointed past his face in the direction of the next intersection but misjudged the distance and instead hit him on the nose.    
Bellamy tore at the wheel and started swearing then halted the car with a shriek on the side of the road. He turned off the ignition and his nostrils were flaring as he stared her down before she could even mutter anything about it being a mistake.

„No one of us is going to go anywhere, Clarke, if _you_ are getting us killed!“  


„I didn’t mean to …don’t be so dramatic!“

His nostrils flared again and he responded in a low voice, „We clearly have to establish some ground rules for this venture.“

„Let me guess rule number one: No freeways?“, she snapped. 

„Correct.“

„Then we are. Going. To. Be. Late. _Anyway_.“

„Nonsense because we will leave a couple minutes earlier and make perfect time. It’s easy and we can even enjoy the scenic route. Second rule: no touching the steering wheel or moving your hands in the vicinity of this area, understood?“ He waved his hands jazz finger style around his face.

„Also, this has to go!“ and with a flourish he took off the wheel cushion and threw it in the back of her car.

Clarke closed her eyes and leaned her buzzing forehead against the window. This was already so much harder than anticipated. „Fine.“

„Fine what?“

„I agree with your stupid rules.“

„Excellent. And now call your … life guard-David Hasselhof-boss-character and tell him that you are going to be exactly five minutes late because you felt it necessary to hit the operator of a driving vehicle in the face.“

Clarke put on her sunglasses while Bellamy started the car again and checked the side mirrors for a fourth time for good measure just in case.

She sighed. „Can’t wait to do this everyday.“

 

* * *

  

**The Phone Call - 15.7 miles to destination**

 

Bellamy Blake leaned his head against the wheel of the silver Golf.

„Look, please just do me this favor? … Come on, O, Mum cannot … No! I mean it, Octavia, I …“

Suddenly someone tried to open the locked car door and then rapped their knuckles against the window in frustration. Bellamy sat up and saw Clarke standing outside, evidently annoyed tearing at the door that would not open.

„I have to go. We’ll talk about this when I get home, okay? Bye!“ he ended the call and put his phone away after he unlocked the doors. Clarke dropped herself into the seat with a loud sigh.

„Hey“, he greeted her.

She ignored him and instead started to noisily look for something in her large duffle bag, „God, I’m starving! There must be a protein bar in here somewhere. Who were you talking to?“

He shrugged, „Just a friend.“

She turned to him with a deadpan look, „ _You_ have friends?“

„Hilarious“, he pointed with his chin, „Seat belt.“

She groaned again, „I’m so hungry.“

„It’s just another way to die. One of the two we can prevent. Seat belt, come on, Clarke.“

„Okay, grandma.“

He ignored the childish urge to stick out his tongue and instead waited until she had tantrum-ed her way through the complicated process of closing the belt lock before he started the car and backed out of the empty parking lot.

They were driving in silence which had been added to the rules of their carpool arrangement. 

They had already tried to talk as little as possible since day one but if they had something to say by some kind of unspoken law it was bickering and teasing. Clarke had said it was because he was being impossible. Bellamy had argued that she was just annoying. She had disagreed, they had fought and resolved to put on some music. 

Turned out they could not decide on this either – but mostly because it was just too much fun for Bellamy to comment on every music choice she made and had amused himself by how sincere she took every word and tried to counter argue him. It ended, however, in another fight and they eventually decided on silence henceforth. That had been day two and for the past week they had gone by with polite but limited small talk.

And, so thought Bellamy, it would be the case again today.

„So, how was your day?“

Clarke rolled her eyes and groaned. „It was horrible.“

She gave no further explanation and since he was bored Bellamy decided to break their rules of engagement and keep asking, „Why, did anyone drown?“

Clarkes head snapped towards him and with slightly raised voice she asked, „No, Bellamy. Why would you say that?!“

He smirked, „I don’t know, Clarke, I don’t know how to swim.“

This irritated her.

„You live by an ocean, how can you _not_ know how to swim?“ 

Bellamy shrugged again. „My mum never took me.“

Clarke starred at him until she conceded, „That’s sad.“

Bellamy took a left turn and gave her an annoyed look, „No, Clarke. It’s not. Did your parents ever drive you all night to the Grand Canyon so you could watch the sunrise together?“

Clarke furrowed her brow. „No.“

„Well, _my_ mum did.“

Clarke started to say something but then he shot her pointed look and she closed her mouth. 

Bellamy changed gear with more force than necessary and tried to concentrate on the street until Clarke’s stomach suddenly made a loud noise and he could not help but stare at her in horror.

„Was _that_ your stomach?!“

Clarke face was covered in a hilarious blush and she crossed her arms over her mid section, „I told you I was hungry. I had no lunch today. You know, I was just too occupied to keep people from drowning the whole day!“

Bellamy sighed. He could deal with a lot and could hold on to a grudge like it was his job. But he could not, never, ignore hunger.

He turned left instead of right at the intersection and it was proof to Clarke’s occupation with her empty stomach that it took her a couple of moments to notice.

„Where are we going?“

„I have some lunch left over. You are going to eat it.“

„You have food?!“, Clarke started to look around as if after this announcement he would produce a burrito out of thin air to surprise her.

„In my bag. Wait two more minutes.“

„But Bellamyyyy …“

He had to laugh at that and saw that she was smiling too. It make him feel fuzzy inside and he shook his head to clear his mind.

„If I only knew it would just take some food to make you compliant I would have cooked for you ages ago.“

Obviously she took it the wrong way and hissed at him.

„Wow, now you’re just being hangry.“

„I would kick you would you not be driving a vehicle at the moment.“

„No worries, we are here.“

He parked the car. They had reached the lookout, a picnic place that had a great view into the valley. Bellamy reached for his backpack and got out of the car. When they sat at the large wooden table he unpacked the containers holding his lunch and Clarke stared at the buffet with big eyes, „How much do you exactly eat, usually?“

He huffed. „These are left overs from yesterday’s dinner and there was a goodbye party today at work with a lot of cake so I was not really hungry.“

He handed her his fork. „Dig in.“

She did, ungracefully and with surprising speed.

„Oh my god“, Clarke groaned in pleasure while she stuffed her face with rice, „this is _so_ good.“

Bellamy leaned against the wooden bench and pinched his eyes against the sun. „Why, thank you.“

Clarke actually looked up from the bowl, „Wait, you cooked this?“

„Who else?“

„How can you cook?“

„Why should I not cook?“

She drew back, irritated enough to actually put down the fork.

Bellamy leaned forward again and smiled to show her it was okay. „My mum was away a lot and take-out is expensive so I had to get creative to put food on the table for my sister. I’m the cook of the family ever since.“

Clarke mustered him intensely and it took him a surprising amount of resolve to not turn away. Finally, after she had found whatever she had been looking for, she took another, more measured bite. „Thanks. It’s really good.“

Bellamy swallowed, again confused by the sudden intimacy between them, going from awkward silence to sitting in this secluded spot in the evening sun sharing a meal. And because he was an insecure asshole he, to destroy the moment, said mockingly „No worries, I won’t tell anyone you said that.“

Clarke looked like she wanted to snap at him again but his phone rang on the table next to him and interrupted her.

He knew that the moment he recognized the number on the front display his face fell uncontrollably. He snatched the phone and stood up with a hurried „Sorry, I have to take this!“.

Clarke stared after him as he fast walked to the other end of the meadow and with one deep breathanswered the phone.

„Hey … Yeah, its me. No, I … What? Okay, okay, calm down. No, no, I’m sure nobody took them. … I cannot come back, you know I have to … No, it’s okay. I’ll find it, don’t worry. Don’t worry, calm down. Okay, let’s do something, okay?“

He took a deep breath and started reciting, „ _Sing, O goddess, the anger of Achilles son of Peleus, that brought countless ills upon the Achaeans. Many a brave soul did it send hurrying down to Hades, and many a hero did it yield a prey to dogs and vultures,_ … You know how it goes on, say it with me … _for so were the counsels of Jove_ … yeah, good job! … _fulfilled from the day on which the son of Atreus, king of men, and great Achilles, first fell out with one another._  Okay? Better? Everything is going to be fine. I’ll talk to you soon. Bye, Mum.“

When he turned around and looked back to the table Clarke hastily occupied herself with the bowl but he knew she had tried to listen. He wondered if the meadow carried voices.

When Bellamy returned he put his phone back on the table, display down. „Sorry about that.“

Clarke chewed at a carrot. „Is everything okay?“

„Yeah.“

„Look, don’t freak out on me, but … is it really okay?“

Bellamy pinched the bridge of his nose. „No. No, not really.“

It felt like the literal stone weight being lifted from his shoulders. It was frightening that from all people in this world _she_ would have this effect in him.

„But I don’t think I want to … talk about it … yet.“

Clarke nodded, said no more and offered him one of his own carrots instead. He took it with a tired smile. After a final look she continued to wolf down his lunch.

 

* * *

 

**The Confession - 2.1 miles to destination**

 

She ran barefoot and still in her damp swimming suit to the exit because no way she was going to listen to yet another one of Bellamy’s sermons about punctuality. 

She did even forgo the shower just to show him  – Clarke Griffin was next level petty.

But despite her final lapse into the parking lot Bellamy and the car were nowhere to be seen. Clarke punched the air in triumph and pulled out her phone.

_to: Bellamy Blake_

i want it to be known that this time  
twas YOU who is late and i will be  
done with your lectures henceforth  
(4:06)

She knew he would not text back, he was too cheap with his credit to even consider it. But he would read it and she turned her face into the sun and imagined his sour expression with a happy smile.

However, after five more minutes she became anxious.

_to: Bellamy Blake_  
where r u?  
(4:11) 

She spoke on his mailbox after three unanswered calls.

Mailbox (4:21)  
„In case you have no idea how texts work this is Clarke.   
I’m sitting here, waiting for you to pick me up.  
Where are you? Bye. {Click}.“

 _to: Bellamy Blake_  
if this is your sick idea of proving  
your point to me suck it and pick  
me up  
(4:26)  
Its hot!  
(4:26)

 _to: Bellamy Blake_  
im worried  
(4:27)

Mailbox (4:37)  
„Seriously I’m about to lose my shit.  
Where are you?! …. Bye. {Click}.“

 _to: Bellamy Blake_  
STOP BEING AN DICK  
BELLAMY!!!!!!!!!!!!  
(4:43)

Mailbox (4:50)  
„Hey! It’s me, Clarke again. How are you? I’m doing so,  
_so_ great. … If you stole my car I swear to God I will  
destroy you! {Click}.“

 _to: Bellamy Blake_  
i mean it.  
(4:57)  
dick!!  
(4:57)

Clarke was lying face up on the little patch of grass next to the parking lot chewing her last protein bar, phone in her hand. Her fingers hovered over the call button next to Ontaris name. Then she pressed her eyes together and put the phone to her ear before losing courage again.

„Heeey, it’s me! What’s up? … Yeah, I know I’ve been meaning to call you too. Uhm, so is there any way you would be able to pick me up from work right now? My carpool bailed on me so I would really … Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize this was today. … No, I get it. Say hi to everyone from me.“

She ended the call and groaned, furiously ripping at the grass to channel her frustration.

Bellamy was now officially 64 minutes too late.

Silently thanking the tech-savy son of a business relation of her mothers for nagging her into the tracking app the last charity luncheon, she got up, shouldered her bag and with the app showing her car parked exactly 2.1 miles away she started walking.

While Clarke marched a burning fury build in the pit of her stomach. The car was not even close to the fucking mall where Bellamy had claimed to work at and she had it with the random calls, the high and mighty act, the fucking lectures every fucking morning while having a stupid flip phone that only drug dealers and people on the run from the authorities still used!

She wanted answers.

The sun was burning her shoulders, she was sweating and despited twisting her hair in a high bun there were still long strands that would stick to her neck and shoulders. Flies were buzzing around her head and the strap of one of her flip flops tore on mile 1.8.

Clarke was now only fueled by anger. 

She saw the car parked perfectly – _Bastard!_ , Clarke fumed, never properly having gotten the hang of parallel parking herself – next to a walled-in compound with mirrored windows.

She tried the door but of course he had locked her car. Clarke kicked the tire, hurting her foot in the process, and eventually placed herself on the hood, crossed her arms over her chest and waited.

She saw him leaving the compound ten minutes later and with a look on the old wristwatch he wore starting to jog over the parking lot towards the car.

When he noticed her he stopped abruptly, an expression nothing short of utter panic on his face that would otherwise have amused her greatly but she was hot and sweaty and hungry and he had declared war.

„Clarke, I’m so …“, Bellamy started but she jumped off the car hood and putting her hands on his chest she pushed him as hard as she could.

_„Where the hell have you been?!“_

He stumbled a couple of steps back before he caught himself, „I’m sorry, I … I got caught up …“ 

He pointed helplessly to the compound.

„What is going on, Bellamy, what are you playing at?!“

„What do you mean?“

„This is not the parking lot of the mall! In fact, the mall is almost 5 miles in the other direction!!“

„I’m sorry, I will make it up …“

„I don’t care, Bellamy! Stop lying!!“, Clarke threw her hands in the air. 

Bellamy stared at her with his lips pressed together tightly and she groaned, „Randoms calls all the time, weird messages and references, using a fucking burner phone… are you selling drugs?“

„What?! No! What are you even talking about?!“

„We are standing in the middle of a random parking lot and some weird building that is in the middle of nothing in particular!“

„Look, I know this looks weird but I’m not doing this kind of shit!“ Suddenly he was in her face, towering over her, angry too, but she stood her ground because she was right and he was wrong.

„Just bring me home. I don’t want you driving my car anymore.“

She turned on her heel, picked up her abandoned bag and with a hand on the handle waited at the door.

Bellamy hadn’t moved. He stared at her with open mouth.

„Unlock my car“, she commanded.

He shook his head and took out the key from his pocket. The car beeped and Clarke open the door, threw her bag inside with more force than necessary and scrolled down the window next to her.

Bellamy leaned against the hood with his back to her. Only now she realized the way he was dressed: in a dark blue jumper, broken in on the shoulders and elbows. He furiously unzipped it and slipped out of the upper part, the white shirt underneath stained with sweat marks. He tore at the roots of his hair. Finally he pushed himself off to glide into the driver’s seat next to her.

Clarke stared straight ahead, resolved to never look at him again.

„Full disclosure“, he began, „I don’t work at the mall.“

Clarke’s head snapped around with an expression she hoped would tear the edges of his very being, „No shit.“

Bellamy didn’t even flutter with an eye lid. Instead he nodded his head at the compound. „My mum is in there. It’s a mental health center. I took a job as janitor so I could be near her. She had a bit of a melt down today and I stayed until she felt better.“

Clarke mouth dried out. „ _Oh shit…_ “

„And I didn’t tell you because … well, we barely even know each other and you hate me“ 

He _shrugged_. Then they were silent.

Finally Bellamy said, „I’m sorry I didn’t pick you up on time. I’m sorry you had to walk all this way. I’m sorry I lied to you about where I work.“ He took a deep breath. Then he started the car, „I take you home now.“

Clarke leaned forward and put her hand on his to stop him from turning the key in the ignition. Their eyes met.

„ _I’m_ sorry“, Clarke said. „I had … no idea.“

She squeezed his wrist until he let go and leaned back into the seat.

„What happened?“ she asked eventually.

Bellamy hesitated before he answered. „When Octavia’s father left us she got sad and would not get up from bed for days, not to go to work, not to get Octavia ready for kindergarten or me for school. I don’t think it was so hard on her when my father left but him … we loved him.“

Bellamy’s voice broke a little bit and his fingers started to nervously drum a random beat on the driving stick.

After a couple of minutes he continued with steady voice, „Sometimes it would go from really sad to … driving on a school night to the Grand Canyon to show us the sunrise. And then she would get lethargic again. And this spring, suddenly that was just the kind of condition she was always in. So I brought her here and took the janitor job after school and now on summer break to be near her. And I really don’t know what else to do.“

He turned to Clarke, his face open and vulnerable and she felt sick in her stomach. 

„I’m such a bitch.“

„Sometimes. Today was justified though.“

Clarke shook her head. „If you have to go back in I just take a taxi or call an uber. It’s fine.“

„It’s okay“, he laughed suddenly, only once and breathless, „I don’t think anybody else can handle how bad you smell right now.“

Clarke blushed. „I don’t smell.“

„Did you catch your whiff?“  


„It’s hot outside. I walked a lot today.“ _Also, I did not shower._

„I’m sorry but it’s true.“

„You are such an asshole, Bellamy Blake.“

„Whatever you have to tell yourself.“

„It’s your fault. Don’t listen to your mailbox.“

„I will most certainly listen to my mailbox. I cannot wait to hear all the colored insults you are throwing around.“

„It’s bad. I’m an asshole too.“

„It’s okay. We understand each other. Seat belt.“

Clarke turned to him in surprise. Then she smiled.

„Yeah“, she said, moving for the seat belt.

„Yeah, we do.“

 

 

 

 


	2. Friends?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> „Come on, grandpa, meet me poolside in five“ And with a final rap on the wind shield she ran back inside. Bellamy stared at the shorts in his hand. Growing up with a younger sister he knew when he had lost a battle.

* * *

 

 

**The Swim Lesson - 37 meters to destination**

 

Following yesterdays debacle it was unjustified to reprimand Clarke for being late. However, he was now waiting for 20 minutes and it _felt_ more like a deliberate punishment with every passing second.

He had his book with him - he never was without a book - but he was not in the mood. He was tired and just craved a shower and some mindless TV before falling asleep on the couch until Octavia came home.

_Just a minute_ , he thought to himself as he closed his eyes and immediately felt his chin getting heavier and heavier when he suddenly jumped upright in his seat following a loud clunk at the back of the car. 

But Clarke was faster and for good measure rapped her flat hand three more times on the wind shield before leaning into his open window with a bright smile, „Wakey wakey, sleepy head.“

„I just rested my eyes“, he replied indignantly.

„Whatever you have to tell yourself.“

Bellamy mustered her suspiciously. She was way too happy. „What are you planning?“

„Who? Me?“, she asked innocently but the devils gleam in her eyes gave her away, „Come on, get up.“

Bellamy groaned. „But why?“

„I’m going to teach you how to swim.“

Bellamy’s mouth fell open. Self conscious he started rubbing his neck, „Ehm … no. Let’s … let’s not do that. But thank you?“

„Come on, you said you didn’t know how. These are for you.“ She threw balled up, brightly colored swimming shorts at him which he caught by reflex and then held between the tips of two fingers as far away from him as possible.

„I … where did you even find these?“

She shrugged, „Lost and found.“

„This is gross. Are you sure it’s not a punishment?“

Clarke laughed and it made Bellamy’s stomach cramp together unpleasantly. 

„Come on, grandpa, meet me poolside in five“ And with a final rap on the wind shield she ran back inside. Bellamy stared at the shorts in his hand. Growing up with a younger sister he knew when he had lost a battle.

He locked Wells and then slowly went to change. The shorts were a little too big for him and sitting low on his hips, so he had to make a triple knot that made him positively feel like an underdeveloped twelve year old. However when he came outside to the empty pool he saw Clarke waiting for him and she tilted her head to one side while … checking him out?

He smirked because he knew he had been a weak, weak human being and sometimes stared at her breasts a moment too long when she was wearing that one blue bathing suit that also made her eyes pop and ultimately, what was a hormonal teenager to do?

She shielded her eyes against the sun as they were standing in the lower part of the pool facing each other. He eyed the water around him with suspicion.

„Come now, don’t be shy. I’m an excellent teacher.“

„I’ve been in a pool before, Clarke“, he answered, trying to save at least some dignity.

She laughed again and since when was Clarke Griffin so darn happy? He did not like it. Something was about to happen and he hated being unprepared.

„Alright, let’s get wet first“. On three both went under and up again and Bellamy shook the water out of his hair.

„Okay“, Clarke began, „How are you doing so far? Feeling comfortable? Feeling secure?“

„As secure as a land animal can feel in a hostile element.“

„I’m glad your are so positive about this. We will start with a simple starfish float. You just want to keep your legs and arms separated and make your body feel weightless in the water.“

While she spoke she leaned back into the water and started floating on the surface, whole body on display and Bellamy’s throat dried out a little bit. He was suddenly glad she was not wearing that particular blue swim suit today.

„Belly in, chin up. As simple as that. Now you.“

Bellamy rubbed his neck again, „So I just lay back … and I float?“

Clarke got up again, pushed the wet hair out of her face and nodded encouragingly. When Bellamy leaned back into the water like she did he immediately went under and came up again, snorting and coughing. 

Clarke laughed at him again.

„Okay, I think that’s enough!“ he said but as he turned to leave Clarke grasped him with both arms and pulled him back against her.

„No, no, no, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to laugh. Come on, let me help you. I will teach you this summer, I promise.“

She gently guided him onto his back again, hands supporting him underneath the water and then the water was lapping around his ears, drowning out her instructions.

„I feel ridiculous.“

„You are doing fine. You just need to relax a little bit. Do you know what that is? Relaxation?“

„Funny coming from you, princess.“

„Ha Ha“, she deadpanned, correcting his position nonchalantly and then asked, „What shapes do you see in the clouds?“

„How old are your students usually?“

„What shapes, Bellamy?“

„I don’t know … shapes, shapes, shapes, … could be a dog or … a mad dog or something. Or maybe a dinosaur? Okay, what else?“

„Hey Bellamy?“

„Yes?“

„I’m not holding you anymore.“

He peaked at her. Clarke had moved a couple of steps away, grinning at him proudly.

„I’m … floating?“

„Like a pro.“

„Holy shit.“

He had to admit that it was kind of fun after that. First, she showed him the arm and leg movements, holding him on his stomach above water and giving him gentle instructions. Together they dived under water for him to practice the movement without her help. Soon they went a bit father out into the deeper part of the pool and she gave him a water board to hold on to practice above the surface. While he did his lapses, Clarke started to swim and dive in her own speedy and graceful movements not far away from him.

After what felt like no time at all the light suddenly tinted orange as the sun was slowly starting to set and together they floated on the back, side by side staring up into the sky.

Every now and then she brushed his thigh with her fingers or he felt her hip against his hand or her hair floating in the water and sometimes their fingers caught onto each other too and Bellamy felt at peace with all noise drowned out by the water. He thought he could hear nothing but his own heart beat and Clarke’s humming, just him and her and nothing else in this world.

He felt peaceful.

„Hey …“

He opened his eyes and found Clarke was no longer floating next to him but sitting on the edge of the pool, her knees to her chest with her arms thrown around them.

„I don’t hate you.“

„What?“ Confused he slowly swimm-walked to her and rested his chin on his crossed arms next to her.

„The other day you said ‚You hate me’. And I want you to know that I don’t. You may not be my favorite person in the world sometimes but I don’t … _hate_ you.“

He stared at her. „Okay.“

„Do you hate me?“, she asked, almost shyly.

He shook his head, „I never hated you, Clarke.“

She smiled, but it had a sad tinge. „Seems to me that you are the only one. My mum is so angry at me since the accident. I got community service coming up. And my friends don't really talk to me anymore like … like everybody thinks I’m just this bad egg, you know? And sometimes I feel like one, too.“

„You’re not a bad person, Clarke.“

„I just … when my dad died before high school started I … I did some stupid things and hurt a bunch of people. I did not mean to but … I hurt them nevertheless. And with every person that left me, my dad and Wells and Lexa I felt more and more certain that it must be something about me, that I push them away. And then my mum told me that she started dating that old family friend and I just got so angry at her. So I went to that party and got extremely drunk like … like I wanted to show them, you know? And then there was … and he was just _so_ … he was trying to be helpful but he also came on to me again and this was so not okay, so I took his car and crashed it against a stop sign.“

Bellamy perked up, „Wait, so you crashed _Finns_ car?“

Clarke starred at him in horror. „You know about …“

„You remember those friends that I have that you keep joking about are non-existent? Raven is one of them.“

„Then _you know?!_ “, Clarke hid her face behind her knees and groaned.

„Clarke …“

„I told you, I’m the worst!“

„Look, I know the story and I know that you had no idea about Raven. Besides, it’s … really not up to me to judge.“

„What do you mean?“

He sighed and pinched the bridge of the nose. „I mean, look at me Clarke. I’m a poor, brown kid with no father and an unstable mother. That’s enough for a lot of people to make up their minds about me. When I came to school nobody could decide if they prefer me stupid or intelligent because both comes with its particular set of troubles.“

„Okay, people talk but that doesn’t make it true.“   
  
„I punched a person and broke his jaw, Clarke.“

She winced, „I forgot for a moment. Why did you do it anyway?“

Now it was Bellamy’s turn to shudder, „He made a crude joke about Octavia becoming jail bait and I … don’t really know. Next thing he is lying on the ground spitting blood and my fist hurts like hell and people stare at me with this look … like they are really afraid of what I will do next.“

They were silent for a while.

„I was never afraid that you would hurt me when we were fighting in class“, she touched his shoulder to make him look at her, „Never, Bellamy!“

He finally smiled at her, „Did I just unlock friendship level three?“

Clarke threw her head back and laughed. „Yeah, I guess you did.“

He bumped her with his shoulder, already missing the feeling of her touching him, „Next lesson tomorrow after work?“

„Okay, but bring me lunch before?“

Bellamy made a show of groaning and becoming weak and sinking under water to make her laugh out loud again but also to hide the grin that split his face. 

Maybe this was not punishment after all.

 

* * *

 

**The Car Wash - 20 feet to destination**

 

The queue for the car wash moved slower than snail’s pace and Clarkes mood was bitter. Next to her Bellamy gripped the wheel of her car so tight his knuckles turned white while he stared out of the dirty wind shield.

Up to this point they had settled into a routine.

Bellamy would pick her up in the morning, telling her about the heresy that was the invention of the sleep button while simultaneously handing her coffee in a thermo can. He’d then dropped her off and would arrive back to meet her at the pool at 4pm sharp because Bellamy Blake was a lot of things and punctual were all of them.

They alternated swimming lessons - at which he soon excelled - with late lunches at the lookout where they would sit, either in silence reading (Bellamy) and drawing (Clarke), or talk, still teasing but more amiable so.

Today, however, was different.

When Clarke had left work she saw Bellamy standing in front of her car as if he wanted to stare it into confession and it took her a moment to notice what was up. Usually Bellamy kept her car meticulously clean. Clarke did not tell him that it was really unnecessary for him to vacuum it every couple of days but this was the cleanest it has ever been and she quite liked it.

And since seeing Bellamy in his swimming shorts on a regular basis she also quite liked the mental picture of him washing her car. Sometimes it was hard not to follow the v of his hips and notice that he was indeed older than the boys she used to hang out with before, that he was larger, broader, darker than many of the popular seniors in her school to which most girls her age directed their attention. One night they stayed on the lookout a bit to long and it got cold and she took one of his sweaters and positively drowned in it.

Clarke thought she understood him better now. Bellamy was defensive and opinionated where others thought he was cocky and arrogant, he was fiercely protective of his family and his privacy instead of senselessly aggressive and too intelligent to not be aware of his odds in this society and about the presumed lot in life other people had chalked up for him because of his background and skin color.

Clarke remembered the tales she heard about him, most of which had been told to her in a time where she had straight-out announced her disdain for him and her friends had accommodated her need to vent with whispers about gangs and drugs, sex and violence and a future in poverty, trailer parks and ultimately jail. They also included stories of girls he allegedly had brought to that secluded spot below the stands and she wondered if any of _those_ rumors where true. Because, when he smiled at her, sometimes her heart would suddenly beat faster and she would leave him confused at the end of the day. 

But all of this did not matter today. Today, her car was dirty. 

It looked like the whole population of birds in their county had come together to shit on her car and her car alone. Bellamy had been in a sour mood when she asked him what happened and he had shepherded her into the car more roughly than necessary. He drove them to the car wash in utter, loaded silence. 

And now they waited, bad station music drifting over through the open windows, annoyed, sweaty people in the cars in front and behind them waiting to start their weekend and more annoyed and sweaty people working the station and it took a while until Bellamy finally spoke to her, „I’m sorry about the mess. That was a bad parking choice.“

Clarke raised an eyebrow at him. It was his fault her mood had turned bad as well so she did not dignify his apology with an answer. 

Bellamy pressed his lips together, „I promise to handle your car better from now on.“

She groaned and put her phone down, „You are handling it fine. But yeah, clean would be nice.“

He nodded, feeling justified in his penitence of paying a professional car wash fee. Clarke rolled her eyes.

„Sooo, how was your day?“, she tried again at casual conversation.

„Long“, he gripped the steering wheel even harder and then he hissed, „ _Birds_.“

This was when Clarke decided she had enough. 

„God gracious, Bellamy, you parked the damn car under a damn tree and some bird use it as their damned rest room. It’s not the end of the world! I have offered you my car and you can keep driving it.“

He hesitated.

„And no amount of bird shit can change that.“

„Thanks … I guess.“

„Now do me a favor and get a grip!“

He gave her an annoyed side eye as if all this was not his fault and she would have said something but it was finally their turn. The foam started to whirl around them and covered the whole of the car with flashes of green, red and yellow light blinking and shining through at strange intervals.

„Did I ruin the mood?“, he asked eventually.

„Gee, you think?“

„I’m sorry.“

Clarke hummed her agreement then sighed, „I know what we need.“  
  
She moved the seat back as far as she could and impatiently waved at him to do the same, „Come on! I used to do this all the time as kid with my dad. It will help us cheer up, I promise!“

Bellamy finally joined her with a heavy sigh and together they looked at the patterns and colors the foam made around them.

„This is really nice“ he admitted and Clarke grinned.

„What is bothering you, really?“ she asked finally.

She saw his Adams apple bobbing and without taking his eye off the display in front of him he answered, „Octavia is being difficult. And I don't know how long we can stay alone in the house with my mum at the center and I’m just … I’m just tired. I’m glad its weekend.“

Clarke turned on her side and pulled her knees up to her chest. Bellamy turned to look at her too.

Surrounded by the sounds of the car wash it felt like a secure and quiet cave. It made Clarke feel brave enough to talk about things she would usually not consider sharing. 

_Or maybe its just Bellamy …_ , another part of her brain supplemented. She swallowed.

„How is you mum?“  


„Better. But that doesn’t mean anything really. Not yet. How is yours?“

Clarke rolled her eyes but could not hide her shaky voice. „She wants her new boyfriend to move in. It sucks.“

„Is he … a bad guy?“

She shook her head. „No. No, not at all. Actually, he is an old friend of the family. But … I can’t help … I don’t know, hating him by default for trying to replace my father?“

She wiped at the corner of her eyes, the fight with her mom the other night dwelling up inside her again, clogging her throat, pushing tears out.

„I know that’s not what he wants to do … I think he makes my mum happy. But I … I just can’t …“

„Help it?“

„I’m sorry, you have so much on your plate already and I don’t know why I just told you all that.“

„No worries“, he suddenly reached out and pushed the strand of hair from her brow behind her ear. Clarke stared at him with wide eyes and he quickly pulled his hand back and cleared his throat, „You … you should make a list.“

„What?“

„A list. Sometimes having it on paper can help to put things into perspective.“

Clarke hesitated and Bellamy smirked, „Sometimes, when something is bothering me, I’ve been known to make a list or two.“

She squinted her eyes at him, „Honestly, how anybody can mistake you for a criminal is beyond me.“

His laugh was dry.

„Like, not even white collar or … petty theft? Tax evasion? You couldn’t do it.“

„I take this as a compliment, just so you know.“

„I mean, you always signal, you are driving 2mph under the speed limit at _all_ times. You are like … a boy scout, but like … tall. With a license.“

He reached over again, this time to pull at her hair but she grabbed his hand before he could do it and a short and fierce battle ensued of which the purpose neither knew but made them laugh out loud while they pinched and pulled and around them the world sank in soap and water and their insecurities felt less raw, less hurting.

They ended up face to face again, closer this time, the back of their hands brushing.

Clarke’s heart started to race and Bellamy’s eyes were fixated on her face and she had no idea what it was he saw. But she liked that he looked at her despite everything he knew about her and before her courage left her completely she attempted to say what she had been meaning to say for a while now…

_I like you. You are special. You inspire me. You are so important. I need you. You help me. I trust you. Stay with me. Don’t leave me._

What eventually came out was „I really like hanging out with you.“

One of his rare true smiles twitched at the corners of his mouth and it made her giddy.

Clarke smiled too. „I’m glad we became friends.“

Bellamy’s eyes flickered to her mouth and back to her eyes. 

Then he abruptly turned on his back. Clarkes smile faded.

With a rough tone he said, „Sure, princess.“

Clarke’s stomach cramped together. The small car she just had found comforting suddenly threatened to choke her, the noises of the car wash coming back to her multiplied and a headache started to build behind her brow.

_I need you. You help me. I trust you. Stay with me. Don’t leave me._

Of course. They made a deal. He needed her car. She needed his license. 

She turned on her back as well and starred out of the wind shield. Their hands were not touching anymore. Of course he got defensive. 

_Stay with me. Don’t leave me._

No friendship mandatory.

They did not speak anymore. They left the car wash in silence and when Bellamy reached the intersection that would usually lead to the lookout he turned right instead of left.

_Don’t leave me._

Clarke starred out of the car window and counted her heartbeats.

When they reached her house Clarke was glad, for the first time, to escape the car and Bellamy in it.

 

* * *

 

**The Party - 7.6 miles to destination**

 

It was 1:56AM on the Sunday morning when she called.

Bellamy could hear the loud music in the background and kept his eyes closed while she told him the address. After hanging up he rubbed his face, go to his feet and threw on the first thing he found. He grabbed the keys and wallet and slowly inched to the second door at the end of the hall. It was quiet so he wrote a sticky note in the kitchen to explain his absence, silently closed the front door behind him and started Wells’ engine.

The lights blinded him in the dark night and it was cooler than expected. The lump in his throat just wouldn’t go away.

They had not talked since the car wash.

He could hear the noises of the party already a block ahead. When he pulled over the lights darted around the front lawn where she sat waiting. She was wearing a large, dark hoodie he had never seen on her before, hands buried deep in the pockets. Someone must have given it to her and he tried to swallow the lumb again, a burst of anger and jealousy this time.

It took her a bit of work to uncross her legs and she swayed slightly on her way over to him.

Clarke was drunk.

„Hey“ Her eyes only flicked only shortly towards him when she got in.

„Hey.“

„I … I needed to get out of there.“

„Okay.“

„Have you been asleep?“

„No“ he lied.

She finally looked at him. „I … didn’t knew who else to call.“

„And I have your car“ he added after a while.

„Yes.“

„Seat belt.“

„Yeah, sure.“

Bellamy pressed his lips together and meant to start the engine when suddenly the back door was ripped open and Finn Collins jumped into the car.

„Clarke!“

She snapped around, „What are you doing? Get our of the car, Finn!“

„I just need to talk to you. You have been avoiding me all night.“

„Because I’ve got nothing to say to you.“

„Clarke, I just … _Bellamy Blake_?!“

Bellamy glared through the rearview mirror at the boy in the backseat. Self conscious Finn went through his long hair with his hand, „I … since when do _you_ know each other?"

„We always knew each other, Finn, we go to the same school“, Bellamy deadpanned.

„Yeah, but you are not … you hate this guy, Clarke!“ Finn turned to Clarke again.

Bellamy rolled his eyes and Clarke groaned, then pulled the hoodie over her hair. She held her forehead like it was hurting.

„Get out, Finn. Just get out“, she hissed. 

Bellamys grip around the wheel tightened. But before Finn could answer the back door was opened again and with a high pitched shriek a brown haired girl fell in.

„Why are ya’ll hiding in the car?“ Ontaris speech was slurred, „Can you give me a ride home?“

Clarke next to him tensed up even more but before she could answer Ontari noticed Bellamy.

„Whoa, whoa, whoa … what is _he_ doing in your car, girl?“

„He is driving me home.“

Ontari leaned her chin on the edge of Bellamy’s seat, mustering him through blood shot eyes, „I though you hate this guy.“

„So I have been told before“ he muttered under his breath and Clarke shot him an annoyed glance.

Bellamy could smell the liquor on Ontaris breath but then she swayed away again and had to hold herself upright, in the process ripping out a couple of Bellamys hair.

Clarke turned back to the pair in the backseat, „Get out, both of you!“

Still rubbing the nape of his head Bellamy replied calmly, „Ontari doesn’t look so good.“

„Her parents kill her if they see her like this, Clarke“, Finn added with concern and tried to keep the other girl sitting still and reigning in her flailing limbs. Her eyes were half closed, but she laughed loud, „I’m fine … just tired is all.“

Finn offered to take her to his place and Clarke groaned again.

Bellamy sighed. 

„Come on, no child left behind“ And without further ado he started the car.

"Put the damn seat belt on!", Clarke snapped at Ontari and Finn as if to keep the last word. 

Ontario kept assuring everyone that she was okay and telling slurred stories from the party in the backseat. Finn tried to make her drink some water. Clarke was sitting curled up next to him, starring out of the window. Bellamy was uncomfortable and made sure to keep to the tempo limit even more than usual. The last thing he needed now was some anxious police pulling him over for speeding with a strange car loaded with a drunk underage girl, a do-gooder quarterback probably not able to keep his mouth shut and making things worse in the process and a might be-might not high Clarke close to having a nervous breakdown of some kind.

They were halfway to Finns place when he started to talk again.

„Look Clarke, you don’t want to talk to me, that is fine. But can I just say one thing, please? After that I will shut up, I promise.“

Clarke pressed her eyes together as if willing away some sort of pain but through clenched teeth she hissed, „You better.“

„Look, I’m sorry how I behaved. I know I was not a good boyfriend. But I just couldn’t help it. I fell in love with you, Clarke, and things just got … complicated.“

Clarke snapped around.

„ _Complicated_? Things got _complicated_ for you? Is that right? I’m the one who got arrested, who got community service and a guy that just won’t leave me alone after he lead me _and_ his long term girlfriend on for months so forgive me if I don’t buy into your definition of complicated!“

„Clarke, I know I should have been there for you.“

„Maybe I did not wanted you to be there, have you thought about that?! And let me tell you something else, ‚complicated‘ does not even _begin_ to cover …“, she hesitated, eyes flickering to Bellamy and meeting his gaze, flickering away again fast, „ … to cover this mess just because you couldn’t keep it in your pants … and I … I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Shut up, Finn.“

Ontari whooped.

After a moment Finn continued, „I should have been there for you. As a friend. You needed one and I was not there. And I will regret this forever.“

Bellamy was close to snorting loud when he heard this. He felt angry while he thinking of Raven, of how she cried, how hurt she was still and of Clarke and how sad and hurt she had looked when she told him about what happened to her this past year and he turned to watch her reaction, hoping to see more of her fighting coming back, hoping to witness her kicking Finns ass but instead he found tears brimming her eyes.

„You are an amazing person, Clarke. And you deserve to be treated that way and I’m sorry that I could not do that for you. You have to believe me.“

Her fingers were clawing into the hoodie like a lifeline and he watched her resolve slowly starting to splinter and crack and he wished he could just drive the fucking car into a tree or something to stop Finn talking when suddenly it was Ontari who snapped.

„Oh my god, stop the … the drama! You fucked it up with both your girlfriends, Finn. You fucked up and you know it and everybody else knows it … knows it too and I mean besides it doesn’t … doesn’t matter right because you’re too late anyway, right? Right? I mean, don’t you know Clarke’s a lesbian now? What was the name of that military girl again? Lena or Lexa or something?“

Finn starred at Ontari. Bellamy starred through the rear mirror at Ontari. Ontari herself swayed and tried to focus on Clarke. Clarke continued to look out of the window and whispered, „Her name was Lexa and you know that.“

„Whatever …“ Ontario waved with her hand and as if the spurge of righteous bff-energy suddenly had left her body she sank back into her seat.

Clarke started to squirm and suddenly she reached out for him, ice cold hand shaking his forearm, „Stop the car.“

„Clarke, I …“

„Please, I need … I need air, Bellamy. Please.“

He hit the breaks and the wheels started to screech. The back of the car swayed a bit to the left and it had barely stopped moving when Clarke already fumbled the seat belt open and sprang out leaving the door wide open.

She ran a couple of steps and suddenly doubled over, dry heaving.

Finn moved to follow her but Bellamy stopped him and commanded, „You. Stay. Here.“

With a side look at Ontari he added, „Make sure she doesn’t vomit in here.“

And then he undid his own seat belt and jogged after her. The road was dark and deserted around them and Clarke whimpered. 

„Are you okay? Are you feeling sick?“, he touched her back with his fingertips and she shied away from him, rubbing at her face and tears and snot but no vomit as Bellamy tried to have a good look at her face, mind racing whether he should bring her to the hospital, if he would have a way to reach her mother and he would have to call Octavia too to let her know he might not be home in the morning …

„No, no … I’m just … I don’t know.“, she sighed, „Bellamy …“

He took her gently by the arm. She tried to not show it but she was shaking violently under his hands as he made her turn around and took her face in his hands to have a good look at her pupils.

„Did you take something other that alcohol?“ he asked scanning one eye than the other. They were blood shot but that was to be expected. Dilated too. It was dark and the spotlight of the car was still on and blinded him so maybe she really did take something? 

„Weed? Pills?“

„I didn’t take anything“, another bout of tremors shook her and he let her go. But Clarke sighed again and leaned her forehead against his chest.

Bellamy was so thrown that he did not know what do to. His first instinct was to put his arms around her but he also knew that Finn and Ontari were watching from inside the car so he just stood still, let Clarke lean against him and pressed his hand into fists at his sides.

„We fought“, she said muffled against his shirt, „I mean, it was not really a fight, not like we used to in class. But I don’t know how else to describe it. But it also feels worse like all the other fights from before you know like it’s… something deeper. It hurts more somehow. And I’m … oh god … my heart is racing and my stomach cramps and I should not have gone to the party tonight.“

„It’s okay, Clarke.“

„No. No, it’s not. I should not have called you. Friends only call friends for help. We are not friends, that’s what you meant on Friday and you were right! Of course you were right, I overstepped. I forgot our deal. This was a deal, a car for a ride. I know I overstepped, you don’t want that and I’m sorry and I should not have called you tonight.“

„Clarke, _please_ look at me.“

She did and Bellamy fixed her with her stare to make sure she understood perfectly what he was about to say.

„If you are somewhere where you don’t want to be or if you need help you call me. Call me and I come get you. It doesn’t matter where or when because when you will call me I will come for you. Understood?“

She hesitated and he urged, „Do you understand me?“

„Yeah … okay.“

„Good. Now let’s get back to the car and bring you home.“

„Okay.“

She swiped at her face with the arm of the hoodie and consciously or not took a deep breath as if to inhale the scent of its owner.

Bellamy just nodded curtly and turned around, waiting for her to make her own way back to the car.

The rest of the ride occurred in silence. Ontari was out of it when they reached Finns home and together with Clarke he carried her inside while Bellamy was waiting against the hood of the car.

Clarke looked back at him before the door closed and Bellamy knew it was hopeless.

He would never be able to be _just_ her friend. 

It was not her who had overstepped.

She returned alone after a couple of minutes. He noticed that the hoodie was gone. Bellamy hated Finn for a moment.

„How is she?“

„She is recovering.“

„How are you?“

„Better.“

„Good. Let’s bring you home then.“

She hesitated. 

„Actually … I think I’m going to stick around for a little longer.“

Bellamys eyes flickered to the dark windows of Finns home.

„Finns parents are out so … I should make sure Ontari doesn’t choke to death on her own vomit.“

„Finn can do that too.“

Clarke swallowed. „I will just feel better knowing. She is my friend.“

Bellamy couldn’t help himself. He laughed but it was dark. Clarke pressed her lips together.

„I guess I drop of your car at home then, princess.“

„Bellamy …“

But he already had closed the door behind him.

He watched her cross the lawn and enter the house.

He drove home and it was 2:34AM. Octavia was still asleep. When he was about to lock Wells he suddenly saw the crumpled up hoodie lying on the backseat and recognized it.

It was one of his.


End file.
